one hundred and ninety-two

Even if you won't admit it, chances are that you have a hobby or interest that you are embarrassed to share with others.  Maybe it's something scandalous(!!) like never missing the "Real Housewives" shows, or perhaps it's something a little less conspicuous, like reading Mormon mommy blogs instead of doing your work.  No matter how deep, dark, or hidden your interests may be, I can almost guarantee that whatever they are, they're probably less dorky and embarrassing than mine.

You see, dear readers, I love television court shows--and not just the tame "Judge Judy."  The trashier the better in my book, and I (usually silently) cheer whenever the judge on "The People's Court" declares that it is time for a little "rough justice."  Since I'm such a speshul snowflake, however, I can't watch court shows for the he said-she said and be content with that.  In order to convince myself that I'm not turning into a stretch pant-wearing couch potato, I also watch the programs for the articles malapropisms.  I even take notes!

Seriously.  I love a good malapropism or mondegreen so much that I use them on purpose, a "quirk" that is near impossible to defend.  In our house, "Friday" is "fried eggs" and "pedestal" is "petal stool;" at Christmastime I may or may not have used the word "maca-ma-damia" instead of "macadamia" when talking with my pain doctor.  So, it's only natural that I keep an ongoing list of humorous malapropisms that I hear both on television and in real life, right?  ......Right??

Yeah, no.  There's really no defending my snarky pastime, but what good is a list of hysterical semi-words if I don't post it on the Internet?  (Answer: not very.)  So, in the spirit of decreasing grammatical ignorance, below are a few of the malapropisms I've heard since I started writing them down last year.  Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to facepalm.

"But the skip marks weren't from my car!"
"For all intensive purposes..."

"The contract had a clause for inclementine weather."

"Our group's bylogs state that..."

"I had understood that the statue of limitations had passed."

"I saw an ad for Pecanese puppies..."

"I didn't even know until my second tramaster!"

"He's a very amicable person."

So, what do you think: do the speakers get a pass since we can technically understand what they're saying, or does the "it's the thought that counts" mentality apply to both presents and grammar?  Most importantly: do you have any mondegreens or malapropisms to share?  I'm eagerly *ahem* weighting for your stories of grammatical disgrace.